Last night I went to sleep with the knife out. The knife I’ve been having stuck to my chest for a long time now, months. I couldn’t sleep, the pain was unbearable. Until last night the pain was silent, strong but quiet inside, manageable, but everyday was worst, because I started to take the knife out one inch at a time. With every inch I lost a memory, a moment, a feeling. So many good things were inside, years of happy times but when the cruel truth of human nature stabs me all those things started to bleed. Last night it was my last inch, I took it out, completely out. The open cavity in my chest now was a door for other things to get in, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, darkness…But, I wanted all those good things from the past to be out, why would I like to keep a lie?, it doesn’t help at all. In fact being kind of poetic about it doesn’t help either. This is not a poem, this is me now.
I’m looking in the wrong places for the right reasons. I’m wishing for the right one but finding the wrong one. Just now it came to my mind if the right thing, the right feeling, it even exist. Did I was in that place before this? It felt right so maybe I was, or maybe I just created that status in my mind and believed it. Anyway, as I said, we are humans with lots of defects and like animals we have instincts that we can’t go against. Maybe that’s our nature to bring happiness along with suffering, even thought we try not to…
Anyway it’s sad, I am sad. I just bled something good that suddenly became something else, something unknown for me. I wonder how long it will take to my wound to be close, if it close at all. By the way, tonight it’s Christmas and I just hate it…
I’m looking in the wrong places for the right reasons. I’m wishing for the right one but finding the wrong one. Just now it came to my mind if the right thing, the right feeling, it even exist. Did I was in that place before this? It felt right so maybe I was, or maybe I just created that status in my mind and believed it. Anyway, as I said, we are humans with lots of defects and like animals we have instincts that we can’t go against. Maybe that’s our nature to bring happiness along with suffering, even thought we try not to…
Anyway it’s sad, I am sad. I just bled something good that suddenly became something else, something unknown for me. I wonder how long it will take to my wound to be close, if it close at all. By the way, tonight it’s Christmas and I just hate it…
See the real world. Travel outside your
ReplyDeletemind.
endemismotrasnochado.blogspot.com
Because living within one's trips
is not hard.
The difficulty is tolerating so many
jerks, idiots along the way.
OMG THanks fo reading, I though no one ever did, this was pretty much like a diary to me. I going through some bad times but I'm strong and just exited to find new things to put my mind out of this...Roght now I'm alone in my house, on Christmas Eve and you just became that distraction so thanks alot... :)
ReplyDeleteWhen my humble blog (jaha bilingual laugh), started, I wondered about the same.
ReplyDeleteI do not care any longer if there are readers or
not. It is my way to keep mental sanity.
If they arrive fine. If they share great.
If not life goes on.
Good luck and success in all your projects!
Thanks! I am pretty much the same, I don't really care if someone read my stuff or not but it was just a surprise to see a comment jaha (to be bilingual also).
ReplyDeleteSo, do you live here in PR? I'm just courious about things, like, what made you come to my blog to read? Did you read everything or just this blog? Too many questions right? :) Well take care and Merry Christmas!
I do not know. I live in Santurce. I read to learn, wonder, many blogs, most really stink.
ReplyDeleteIf there is something I have an urge to write,
I do. But often I choose not to, being critical,
is my nature. Most people can not take it.
I hate common places, what some think is humorous, original in most puerorican blogs
in Spanish. They are lame, but believe they
are saying/writing something original. Later,
they scratch each others backs and laugh at their jokes! Now I have stopped to comment in those sites, just read. And wonder.....and Happy New Year!
Great! So that means that you don't consider my blog a "common place"? :) I like that! By the way, have you read the rest of my posts? If you have I apologize for the content but that’s what really goes through my mind based on what's happening to me right now. With out censure… That’s a part of me that you never see on a day to day basis.
ReplyDeleteYou know I did read a little from your blog and its funny because I’m working with plants, flowers mostly all the time. I love orchids and I love nature. I work with a special events company and we deal with flowers all the time. I hate it because you tend to loose appreciation of them, like finding a beautiful rose with a great smell, I don’t stop to smell the roses no more…less when sometimes we have thousand in front of us for an event.
What do you do for fun? I want to know a little about you…if you allow me to get in… Take care and have a nice day.
Being so critical it is hard to have fun,
ReplyDeletein general. I play pool, table tennis very
seriously, but not interested in the winning trip. Just doing it right.
I plant a lot, read about plants, read blogs
worth reading, check the high percentage of
blogtrash around and that is that. I also write.
Drink, smoke occassionally. In brief.
If all that its fun to you, then you do have fun. You do that because you like it so... That's nice, I like to play pool too and I'm very good at it (to be a girl). Love to beat up boys! :) Do you mind if I ask you how old are you?
ReplyDeleteThis is my last trip to the vecinity.
ReplyDeleteI am as old as I am, unable to
let girls beat me. Jaha bilingual laugh!
See you there!
ok... nice answer, even tought you didn't actually aswer my question, but it's all good for me; and, I could beat you playing pool indeed by the way... jaja
ReplyDeleteWell Mr. Old Man, I'm kind of old too but I don't mind saying my age. I'm 30 and I feel like an unborn baby, as young as your chances of beating me playing pool....ummm like 0...jajajaja
Well?
ReplyDeletewell what?? u tell me!
ReplyDelete