Aroused...

Recently, I founded something new about me, some weird thing that it was hidden inside through all this years. Something scary, something maybe vane, but something that awakened a new person in me, that gave me a new idea of my perfect match… I found out that little things with passion could cause bigger results at the end. Almost like a vampire life, where senses are oversensitive and just a look, a breathing, a smell, a simple touch or even a smart conversation will lead you to a sexual physical reaction. I started to get aroused by ideas instead of actions and the end results were out of this world actions. Suddenly a simple sexual game changed my whole perspective in life and now I find myself looking for that feeling and the realization of those ideas…


B.M. – Waiting, just waiting…
Me- Waiting for what? I’m curious…
B.M- Waiting for a few things actually
Me- Uhumm… I’m still curious
B.M- That’s the whole point
Me-As always you mind tricker!! It’s not fair to be a teaser!
B.M.-Everybody is always waiting for something. I just like to make people curious
Me-Did you got to read my latest blog?
B.M. To whom it was dedicated?
Me-To the guy I told you about last time, that turned out to be a selfish asshole in search of vengeance and I paid the price…
B.M.-Has he caused all that pain??
Me-Well, you would never believe what a perfect sexual chemistry could cause in a heart… First time for me. Now I’m waiting for something that I believe I’ll never get…
B.M.- That’s the hardest wait, but we’re addicted to the pain…
Me- You would never beleive, but this is a guy which I never had sex with… funny huh?
B.M.- You should’ve had sex with him, at least to find out…
Me- Do you think I didn't tried to?? He was the cutest teaser alive, but I guess you always want more the things you can't easily have, apparently he knew that rule!! The result: so many sexual partners in my life and then this guy came out of nowhere and without no explanation possible caused some weird reactions in me, it was like trying an out of the planet drug with effects that you could never describe…
B.M.- Are you still getting divorce?
Me-Yes, I think so, I do love him to death and always will but it’s simply not the same anymore, I don't know later on, cause he has been my perfect drug for all this years, I don't know. We are really good friends now though... But, I’m looking for that drug again, trying to find it somewhere else and it’s scary cause that drug got something really dark out of me. Sometimes I wonder if that’s ok…
B.M.-The unknown is usually scary, only a few brave ones are willing to pay the price of that journey…
Me- Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m so stubborn about not settleling for anything less, now I want something else and I will find it, this guy could not be the only one in the world with this perfect drug for me, there’s got to be some more “pills” around, hahaha.
Me- Ohhh darling, your dear friend has grown into a very different person, a scary one hahaha. I’m just glad you get me and don’t get scare anymore. I need more guys like you around because I’m tired of feeling like I’m so wrong…
B.M.-What happens if you don’t find what you’re looking for? Every day I ask myself the same question I’m asking you now…
Me- NOW, at my 30’s, I know the answer for that, and I’m pretty sure that you know it also… If we don’t find it, we will be sadly unhappy, like missing some important part of our bodies. We’ll probably enjoy other things in life and keep our better “traditional” faces appearing to be happy but that will always haut us… For me is almost as sick and strong as a child predator that will be in jail for 30 years and will come out to be a good person and he will probably stay out of trouble for the rest of his life, but in the back of his mind he will always going to think about it. Sorry if that sounded disturbing but you know what I mean.
B.M.-Yes, that’s probably the same answer I find… So, are you willing to live a life of unhappiness in your pursuit of happiness?
Me- Ummmm, well, I don’t know what I will do to find it, but I do know what I have to quit to find it; even thought it’s hard because it’s a war between love and passion, I do have the love and it’s scary to leave that for the search of love and passion, I could end up without neither… In the end I rather live a naked truth than a well dress lie…
B.M.-Sometimes we already know all the answers and because the possible end result is scary, we wait, just wait… that might better answer your original question ;-)
Me- For me nothing really worthy in life comes without the will, or the risk… Even if it comes out bad at least you were decided and sure. For me I just don’t want to see my watch stopping while I’m still in the waiting, sometimes you need to take a step in order to get out of the maze, because the exit won’t come to you…
B.M.-Sounds like your mind is set…
Me- Yours will be too, you are just playing it safe but some day your own hell will break loose, some day, just wait…
Me- By the way, do you realize I just blog on your cell phone and through text message? hahahaha Thank you my dear friend, for this… I really needed to talk to you, I really hate that you are so living so far now, I miss our endless hours drinking and talking in a parking lot; you are my Beautiful Mind… one of a kind in my book.
B.M.-I’ll be looking for this on your blog
Me- In fact I’m writing it right now, don’t be scare about the outcome, just think about the name of my blog…
Me- Well my friend, good night and thank you for chatting. I hope it turned out into a little pleasure of life, while the other ones come. I feel…relief and in a weird sense of casualty I’m also… *(please refer to the title)
B.M.-Good night!... it was nice


*For my favorite pianist, my twin brother born one year later, my smartest/hot friend and truly one of the best friends I’ve ever found. Thanks C!